Creating a healthy, happy, and more intimate relationship between two people takes commitment, focus and dedication to create. There are no shortcuts.
But, when you do end up creating such a relationship, it will light up every part of your life and create deeper and more lasting joy than most other things in life.
Whether you’re single or committed, there are 7 Core Principles of Love you have to follow that will help you create a relationship full of love, trust, fun, pleasure, excitement, joy and passion.
These are certain principles are not complicated, but you still have to follow them if you want a happy, healthy and intimate relationship.
Now, I appreciate that in 2018 no one wants to hear or talk about principles and rules, posted somewhere on a website in the interwebs, BUT, whether you like it or not, ALL healthy, happy, and intimate relationships are built on certain principles or rules.
A recipe, if you want.
You follow that recipe, you win.
You don’t, and you lose.
The first step in creating the ultimate relationship is always creating CLARITY.
WHAT exactly do you want in your relationship?
Also, what exactly do you NOT want in your relationship?
Once you know what you want and not want, you then need to go one level deeper.
You must create clarity around exactly WHO you need to become to create or attract this ultimate relationship.
It’s important to understand this idea of attraction.
We tend to draw unto ourselves the frequency of energy we harbour.
If you want to read a great book on this, get Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, by
It’s important to use this clarity to create focus so that you can spend your energy in the right way to move towards what you want, and away from what you do not want.
- Only focus on what you want to create.
- Clarity first.
- What do you need?
- What are you committed to?
- What do you want?
- What don’t you want?
- Clarity: what must you be for that type of person to be in your life?
“A relationship is not a place you go and get something, but a place you go to give.”
― Tony Robbins, Life Coach, Author, Philanthropist
Once you’ve developed some clarity, the real work begins.
Love will not flow freely between two lovers if there are certain obstacles preventing that from happening.
I’ve found that the 7 Core Principles of Love are the perfect foundation for creating a relationship of openness and intimacy.
Whenever couples struggle to communicate, have heaps of ongoing conflict, and lack intimacy (both emotionally and physically), these 7 Core Principles of Love are also absent:
- UNCONDITIONAL LOVE & GRACE
- PRESENCE & OPENNESS
- SELF-AWARENESS & HONESTY
- KNOWLEDGE OF THE OTHER
- FONDNESS & RESPECT
- SHARED MEANING
- FREEDOM OF THE NOW
Couples in unhealthy relationships are either putting price tags on their love for one another, i.e. they only show affection and love in so much there is some form of return. We call this form of love “whoring.”
The lack of unconditional love also makes way for the complete absence of grace or differently put, cutting each other some slack for mistakes or flaws. These couples tend to completely ignore the fact that we are all fallible with our own shortcomings. They usually only focus on their partner’s.
I’ve also noticed that couples in unhealthy relationships tend to have very poor communication, even though there is a lot of it, but usually in the form of arguments or screaming fests.
A huge contributing factor to these couples not hearing each other is their lack of presence and also being closed off to one another from what they are truly feeling and thinking on the inside.
The problem with this, unfortunately, is that all healthy intimate relationships require lovers to be present and open most of the time.
Deeper bonds cannot be formed without it.
An interesting thing I’ve observed with couples in unhealthy and unhappy relationships is that even though they have many opinions and ideas about their partners, they typically lack a lot of self-awareness and honesty.
They are completely self-biased which causes them to be blind to their own shortcomings and contribution to the overall situation.
In order to improve a relationship, one has to become brutally honest with yourself about yourself, your own growth, as well as your own contribution to the current state of your relationship.
This honesty then has to translate into positive and constructive action to improve the situation.
Creating a happy, healthy, and intimate relationship also requires a much deeper knowledge and understanding of the other (partner) than what many couples in unhealthy relationships have.
Some experts call this intimate knowledge “love maps.”
It is essentially a cognitive blueprint of your partner.
But it is one that has to be updated consistently since people grow and evolve.
Many couples run into problems, which lead to either conflict or restricted flow of their love and affection because they have not kept up-to-date with the intricacies and the inner world of their partner.
This in-depth knowledge and understanding of a partner is the foundation for creating fondness and respect for them.
Much research has shown that the longevity of a relationship is at risk once this fondness and respect for each other dissipates.
Without being truly fond of your lover and deeply respecting them as a person, it is very hard for love to flow freely and thereby create a healthy, happy, and intimate relationship of any kind.
But, even though intimate knowledge of each other is fundamental to a healthy relationship, passion is reliant on the unknown or mysterious.
When things become predictable in a relationship, it becomes increasingly harder to maintain a sense of excitement and passion.
However, it is fairly easy to create passion by experiencing the unfamiliar.
This can be done by pursuing experiences that create shared meaning.
This is the proverbial “spicing things up.”
Certainty is vital to the overall stability and happiness of a relationship, but variety creates passion.
Certainty and variety need to be kept in balance.
Couples in unhealthy relationships, unfortunately, tend to find themselves in an unhealthy, downward spiral of negative experiences.
This creates the opposite of experiences of shared meaning.
Part of the reason couples get caught in this downward spiral is that they are really good at one of two things (or both):
- constantly dragging the past into the present
- constantly fortune-telling
But, what is the point of dragging along the baggage of past mistakes?
Painful experiences can be our best teachers or worst masters, but couples in unhealthy relationships seem to only choose pain as a bad master.
The reality is that blaming our partners for past misdeeds will only create more pain.
If you truly want passion and joy, you must set your partner free.
That means you need to learn to let stuff go.
Conversely, restricting your love or affection because of an unfounded fear of what might happen in the future is equally unhelpful.
Believing that you know how your partner will respond when you do this or that, or “just knowing” they will disappoint you and therefore you won’t even try, are pointless.
There is only freedom in the now.
When you choose to forgive, love, embrace, let go, open up, listen, trust, etc. in the now, you stand a chance to be happy.
No amount of pain of the past or fear about the future will set you free to truly live and love openly in the present.
You have to choose to live in the now.
And be OK with whatever might happen as a result.
But also trust you’ll deal with whatever comes your way.
Healthy, happy and intimate relationships don’t just happen.
They take risk, courage, motivation, effort, and lots of grace.
There is no app for creating the ultimate relationship.
So, if you feel you want to start this process in your own life, but need some help or support, please contact me today to make an appointment (via Skype or in person) and talk about it.
Sometimes, all you need is an outside perspective or someone to be accountable to, in order to move forward in an area of your life.
And I’ve helped heaps of people just like you achieve greater clarity and momentum in their relationships, and lives, which they struggled to do before that.
In fact, it cost them more in time, effort and money, than investing in this positive and helpful process.
With the right help and support, you can create your desired results much faster, while enjoying the process much more.
I would love to be that help or support for you.
“Thank You, Gideon you are Inspiring, enlightening, encouraging, humorous, generous and kind and always willing to help me solve what’s on my mind.” ― Yvonne N.
“Originally I decided to see Gideon for specific sports related issues, but with his encouragement and reassurance it soon became clear that my anxieties were deeper than I thought. After a number of weekly sessions I was on my way to a healthier mindset. Gideon was always professional, punctual and always willing to work around your schedule if possible. I wouldn’t have achieved what I did if it wasn’t for his help and support along the way.”― Hayley C.
I hope to hear from you soon!
Your Friend and Coach,