About Gideon Hanekom “Top Relationship Coach New Zealand”
Hi, I’m Gideon Hanekom.
I always love the “about me” page on websites like this because they’re written in the third person … even though they’re typically written by the owner of the site.
So after Gideon Hanekom made several attempts to sound smarter than he really is by writing about himself in the third person, he quickly abandoned that approach and decided to write this page like it was a letter to a friend.
Which … in many ways, it is.
Anyway – what do you want to know?
I’m 39 years old. I live in Northland (New Zealand) with my beautiful wife.
We have two kids and two cats.
I’m guessing that’s not the kind of stuff you’re looking for.
You’re probably wondering,
“Is This Guy Worth My Time And Attention?”
For many readers, my answer is NO!
I cannot help you unless you’re really motivated to help yourself.
For some reason, people are attracted to “gurus” or experts to solve their problems for them.
Now, I would be the first to admit that learning some insights from those who know more than I do is a smart move, but there is still a huge prerequisite for any new results you desire in your life or business.
Action on YOUR part.
The only time we tend to take action in any part of our lives, we need to feel that we truly want to, i.e. what I call “to be motivated” to help yourself. You need to have some reason compelling you to take action otherwise you simply won’t.
That doesn’t mean that you always feel 100% like doing the things that need to be done, but you at least need to have some desire to want to improve your situation or create better results.
I cannot help you unless you’re really motivated to help yourself. That’s just a fact. Not even the great Tony Robbins can help you if you don’t want to. Plus, he won’t allow you to waste his or your time anyway. I won’t either.
So, no, I can’t help you if you don’t really want better results in your life and relationships. And anyone tells you they can is full of bull crap.
If you don’t want to take action, you’re not going to enjoy my coaching and insights
No, I don’t believe in just giving people “homework” for the sake of it.
But I do believe that without action we cannot have new results. The Ancient Scriptures say that even great faith without action is dead. New results demand some new action.
We can sit around talking about things till the cows come home, but unless somebody takes a new action you cannot expect a new or different result.
Albert Einstein is credited with the quote “doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.”
I tend to agree with that.
So many times we think that the answer to our challenges or problems lies in simply doing more of what we are already doing. The problem with that logic is that whatever you’ve been doing up until now has only been good enough to give you the result you’re experiencing right now.
If you want something else, you need to take a different action. Make a new decision, make some new choices, or start walking in a different direction. Something!
If you’re someone looking for a breakthrough in your relationships (or life) but want everyone else to make the changes while you remain same, my way of coaching will be a huge frustration to you.
I challenge people, as I do myself, to raise the bar, step up, and make things happen. A new life or improved situation won’t come knocking on the door. You have to make it happen. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
So, if you don’t like being challenged, maybe pass on my coaching because you will get “tough love” in droves. But in saying that, you will ALWAYS feel respected and safe when working with me.
If you’re looking for “The Easy Way,” I don’t want to help you.
It’s important you understand what I’m telling you.
I can help you, I just won’t. I’m capable of it, but I refuse to do it.
Because when I hear someone say, “What’s the easiest way”, what I’m really hearing is, “I’m not fully invested in the long-term success of my marriage or relationship … and am therefore not fully invested in success at all.”
And that really translates to “I don’t want to change or do any work” which really means “I’m here to waste your and my time.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but personally, I’m not really into wasting my time. We only have SO much of it, right?!
Look, let me just say this if you don’t know it already and save you some time, effort and money – creating a healthy, happy, and intimate (hot) marriage or relationship takes hard work.
It’s fun, but it still works. You have to keep at it.
It takes HARD WORK to create and it takes HARD WORK to maintain.
Now with that off my chest, Are You Still Here? Good.
Here’s what you can expect from me.
- Awesome, actionable insights, strategies and tactics you can use in your marriage/relationship (life) right now, for FREE … which are usually followed by:
- Various Offers in the form of eBooks, Monthly Memberships, Online Courses, and coaching (either online or in person).
Can you believe I just told you flat out that you’re going to receive blatant offers from me?
Well, why wouldn’t I tell you?
I mean c’mon – I’m running a business here.
Yes, I want to make a difference in the world and see happy people, but I still need to make money to sustain the message and serve my family.
I, like ALL other coaches, make our money by selling stuff. I will try to sell you really helpful stuff from time to time and I won’t be subtle about it.
However – it’s always preceded by really valuable insights, strategies and tactics you can use immediately.
The idea is that you’ll say, “Mate, this free stuff really helped me/us. I think I’ll try the paid stuff.”
Pretty simple, right?
Frank Kern (someone I consider a mentor in many ways) call it the old “Demonstrate You Can Help Them By Actually Helping Them” trick.
Works like a charm.
But you still might be wondering …
How Do I Know If Your Stuff Is Any Good?
Well, the smartest thing to do is to just get some of my free or really low-tier materials.
If you like it, you’ll probably like my online courses and coaching.
If you don’t like it, you won’t.
But I think I’m supposed to do the whole “self-aggrandizing biography” thing now so here goes:
I started my journey in the Christian Church (still am). Yep, you read that right …
Please keep reading once you’ve recovered.
After we moved from South Africa to New Zealand I realised I was not in Africa anymore and needed more skills if I wanted to add even more value to my new home.
So, I started and completed qualifications in Professional Counselling and Hypnotherapy. Yep, you read that right too!
After that, I enrolled in the Robbins-Madanes Centre of Strategic Intervention and started working through some of the coaching certifications they offered.
But, the biggest and most valuable “qualification” I obtained was when my life took a turn for the worst a few years back. And it changed my life.
To make a long story short, my health was in trouble and I was silently killing myself with my food choices and lifestyle.
Fortunately, and perhaps through some divine intervention, I decided to change my life insurance company which required new blood tests. These tests revealed that everything wasn’t that kosher in my body and I needed to make some drastic and immediate changes.
The doctors, of course, wanted to prescribe medication right off the bat, bless their souls, but I decided to go at it on my own. And it worked.
Fast forward a couple of years and I went from being fat, sick and unhappy to losing more than 60lbs* (around 30kg) and ranking 7th in the World for the 60m sprint (M35+) in the 2016 season.**
Consequently, various people and organisations started coming to me for coaching on high performance, leadership, health, weight loss, creating healthier working environments or offices etc.
This led me to start my own high-performance consultancy company, and some now consider me as one of the best personal development trainers and high-performance workshop trainers and coaches they have ever worked with in New Zealand.
But, after having done this for a while I realised I needed to focus even more.
So I started looking back over the people I work with most of the last couple years and realised that about 75% of my clients came to me with some form of relationship-related issue or problem.
Even the business owners or team managers I worked with all used me, at some stage or another, to work on challenges within their personal relationships.
And then it came to me.
I realised that I’ve been “the relationship guy” for a while now but I haven’t owned it.
My focus has been broad in trying to help as many people as possible with as many challenges as possible. And I still do that to some extent. But, like John Gray (Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus), I decided to hang my hat on dating and relationship coaching and blogging.
When relationships are healthy and happy and intimate, in my opinion, everything else seems to be so much easier. When people are truly happy in the personal relationships with others, life seems to flow effortlessly.
But, the opposite is equally true.
When people feel frustrated and stuck in the marriages/relationships, everything else becomes so much harder.
The challenges of that relationship become all-encompassing and impact all other areas of life also.
However, that doesn’t need to be your life.
You can have a healthy, happy and intimate relationship with your spouse/partner.
These days we can pretty much track everything and we know that there are certain “principles” that almost guarantee a truly happy relationship.
I call them, the 7 Core Principles of Love (or Healthy Relationship Dynamics).
And when you learn these principles to create healthy relationship dynamics, you have the power to create the relationship you want.
There are also things you want to avoid as they most certainly spell doom for your marriage or relationship. You need to know those too.
Here’s What I Will Help You With, Specifically
I help troubled couples in stress-filled and stagnant long-term relationships create happier, healthier and more intimate love lives again.
Experience has taught me that people tend to rely on ingrained patterns and habits to help them deal with whatever life throws at them. The same thing happens in our relationships. We rely on what we know, not necessarily what works (or could work better).
Therefore, developing a better understanding (AWARENESS) of how we “work” is crucial for success.
I have also learned that when we create AWARENESS in a few specific areas, we shortcut the process to improved results.
These areas include:
(1) the 4 dimensions of relationships,
(2) how we create helpful and unhelpful emotional states,
(3) the basic human needs that drive most of our behaviour, and
(4) how polarity is created between men and women, how it creates stress and influences our relationships.
Understanding how these elements impact the way we “show up” every day and influence what we do, goes a long way in starting to take control of the results and quality of our relationships (and lives).
Leading on from that, it’s my focus to help you understand your “model of the world” and how this shapes the current quality of your life. Once we have a clearer picture, you can commit to more constructive and positive ways of changing the results you are getting in your life right now (ACTIVATION).
After you have developed greater AWARENESS and ACTIVATED the new insights, understanding, and behaviour, our coaching sessions will focus on keeping you on track and helping you grow towards your desired goals (ACCELERATION).
I believe the success of any relationship (and in life) depends on the continuous personal growth of each partner and relationship.
Without growth, there is decay, which usually means the end of something.
You and your partner might be together, but you are also individuals who need to grow individually and apart from each other – this will ultimately feed your relationship much more.
It is when we get stuck in unhelpful mindsets or ways of thinking (cognitive distortions) and dysfunctional patterns of behaviour to meet certain intrinsic human needs, that the health of the relationship can suffer.
Partners tend to shift their focus away from serving each other toward defending or serving themselves which becomes toxic and destructive.
Also if one grows and the other doesn’t, spouses or partners tend to grow apart.
And growing apart is not the same as growing apart from each other in order to grow as individuals – that is necessary.
The idea is to grow individually yet simultaneously, and feed that back into the relationship.
ACCELERATION is about showing and encouraging you to do that.
Your success will come from what you do – and not do – outside our sessions. That’s where the rubber hits the road.
So the coaching process I following in our one-on-one coaching sessions look like this …
Where do you start?
Here’s My First Sales Pitch to You:
Go read through some of the articles on my blog – they contain massive amounts of strategies and value to help you for FREE.
If they help you, and you want more, then also consider signing up for my Relationship Monthly Membership for $1 here.
Pretty simple, right?
Thanks for reading this page.
Let’s get to work!